Employee Awareness: Be Prepared! (But Not Like This)

By Scott Berinato

November 07, 2007 — CSO —

Stay Safe and Secure Over Thanksgiving!

A friendly reminder from your CSO

Friends,

As you prepare to leave no earlier than 5 p.m. this Wednesday for the Thanksgiving holiday, your security department wanted to offer some tips so you stay safe and secure.

To avoid long waits at airport security checkpoints, refrain from carrying the following items: guns, bombs, liquids, sharp objects, electronics, metals, plastics, shoes, clothes, magazines, books, luggage, gourds, waterfowl, dull objects, nieces and nephews and Boone's Farm wine.

Some families enjoy homemade eggnog on Thanksgiving morning, not realizing they're about 10 salmonella cells away from an intestinal event. Pasteurize!

During dinner, it's important to station one adult at the kids' table to handle hot dishes and avoid trips to the burn unit. (This adult should not be Uncle Mike or whichever relative likes to delight the kids' table by squirting mashed potatoes through his teeth.) Keep carving and serving utensils in protective sleeves at all times during use.

Think of family violence as similar to workplace violence. You can minimize family crises by choosing not to engage aggressive personalities. Just because Uncle Mark says the Cowboysare better than the Patriots doesn't mean you have to—wait, what did Uncle Mark say? That's just freakin' absurd! Anyway, walk away and call the police.

Remember: Tryptophan is not a recreational barbiturate. (However, Boone's Farm wine is.)

Plan to leave at least three hours between dinner and dessert, or else the touch football game could end in a reverse intestinal event.

Special note: Some of you may be curious about post-holiday "sales" on Friday. This is perfectly harmless fun as long as you take the necessary precautions:

1. Initiate heavy cardiovascular training six weeks prior and bring a portable defib unit.

2. Avoid congested areas, including malls, shopping centers, box stores and parking lots.

3. Do not carry credit cards, checks or cash. Do carry a whistle and mace.

That covers it. See you Monday, when our access logs will indicate that you've arrived back at work no later than 9 a.m.!